So I found this site, can't remember how but you can make an online catalogue of your books and look at other peoples and so on. I've started putting my collection on there. It's mostly the books I have with me right now and ones I got recently before I left that I remember.

I think I'll have fun filling in the rest when I get home and adding to my collection.

http://www.librarything.com/catalog/thewatch

It is certainly something that has come to mind over the last few weeks, that once you have decided you want something, and not just in a passing fancy or abstract desire. To really want something that you are willing to spend all your time on both getting and then keeping it can make it a more frightening and challenging prospect.

It feels like it would be easier to not want it, as then you wont have the fear of not getting it after the work and time you would put into it, but as nothing else that you think of is an adequate substitute for it you know it will be worse to not have tried for it to begin with.

The irony that wanting to achieve something that important to yourself, equally makes it the one thing you almost don't want to attempt. If you never do, then the fantasy of what might have been will always be there, though it will not be comforting and instead I'm sure lead to more regret than is healthy. But to take on the challenge and fail will be both great disappointment and maybe relief, that if your best work was not good enough, you can turn to other challenges with a clear conscience.

To succeed though is of course the greatest challenge and brings with it the most reward, but also that one victory will lead to ever more challenges to overcome and learn from, each one possibly bringing an end to things, yet always the potential for success again, and/or good lessons to be learned.

I know I take the challenge, and how to keep my spirits and determination in good stead. Yet there is always the possibility of falling short in the distance, taunting and whispering of the ease of surrender. The achievement of some lesser ambition offers itself as the safer route, bringing smaller loss and reward in equal measure.

Just as surely as the lure of secondary attractions follows though, so too will the greater desire always remain in mind. It must be satisfied and followed to whichever conclusion my skills are due, before any thought of other routes can be considered.

The challenge of your own will are on the level with the chosen route and intertwined. All must be accomplished and truly the understanding of the words of others has begun to come.

You must want, and desire and need it, more than any other things. Then it shall be yours.

I just read this on the BBC news site and it's hilarious! These are attempts by some well known authors to sex scenes.

"It was as if she were wearing a mask on her genitals, a weird totem mask, that made her into what she was not and was not supposed to be..."

...Paul Theroux...

"Her hands were all over me, four hands it seemed, or more than four, and as she touched she made me weightless, lifting me off the table in a prolonged ritual of levitation..."

...Booker Prize winner John Banville...

"She puts her hands flat against his chest and leans into him in a simulacrum of a swoon, making a mewling sound."

and musician Nick Cave...

Bunny lies on his back on the sofa. He is naked and his clothes sit in sad, little heaps on the living room floor

Some truly appalling attempts in my opinion. Flowery language and more than two arms per person really don't work, unless you're on an alien planet getting to know the locals. I can understand how its difficult to do, but either don't do it or put some proper effort in, so to speak. *g*

I just can't help these, I like them and they make me want to fill in all the blanks. As good an excuse needed for travel in my book, though not the most necessary.



visited 2 states (4%)
Create your own visited map of The United States


This is one not quite as specific as I like, not having covered quite the area indicated. A single stop in a country can hardly cover all it's land. For now this will have to do.



visited 7 states (3.11%)
Create your own visited map of The World

So as my plans for what I want to do in the future start taking shape, my interests and skills I think I should learn about almost all seem to be thing most girls have done during their teens.

I've never been that into make up and beauty products, but if I want to get anywhere in acting, I need to know about this and to be honest, it's actually kind of fun. It's like a face paint set with lots of colours and brushes and things to play with. I've got some basic stuff to practice with and I'll probably go to a good makeup counter soon to get some tips on what the right colours and such like would be for me.

When girls were learning this stuff at 11, I was watching Star Trek and Doctor Who. I still feel more comfortable without any, but it's a useful skill to have.

I've got myself some winter clothes as it's getting colder and wetter now too. I've done some running, I shall hopefully head out to do some rollarblading, walking, swimming, and maybe the odd dance class as well.

It is dusk on the Lost Lagoon
And we two dreaming the dark away,
Beneath the drift of the twilight gray,
Beneath the drowse of an ending day
And the curve of a golden moon.
It is dark in the Lost Lagoon,
And gone are the depths of haunting blue,
The groping gulls, and the old canoe,
The singing firs and the dusk and - you,
And gone is the golden moon.
O! Lure of the Lost Lagoon,
I dream tonight that my paddle blurs
The purple shade where the seaweed stirs,
I hear the call of the singing firs
In the hush of the golden moon.

by Pauline Johnson, Canadian poet.

I saw a Levis jeans advert at the cinema and I really like the dialogue. It's called "Pioneers, Oh, Pioneers" by Jean Rhys. From what I've found only a small portion of the piece is used.

Ignore the visuals in the youtube link, but it has the same words and voice as the one I heard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG8tqEUTlvs&feature=related

Pioneers! O Pioneers!

COME my tan-faced children,
Follow well in order, get your weapons ready,
Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes?
Pioneers! O pioneers!

For we cannot tarry here,
We must march my darlings, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We the youthful sinewy races, all the rest on us depend,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O you youths, Western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you Western youths, see you tramping with the foremost,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

We debouch upon a newer, mightier world, varied world,
Fresh and strong the world we seize.
Pioneers! O pioneers."

The first rains have come and autumn is here. A couple of changes I've noticed from working in the park this year though, it hasn't been quite as busy as I remember which from my end has been something of a relief, it got a bit crazy at times back then. That many people being grouchy in the heat isn't so good either, plus the screaming kids and babies and people talking on their mobiles and to each other when you're trying to do a tour.

I'm much more confidant in telling people to be quiet, where last time I would have often not said anything but I'm much less willing to put up with people being rude like that. When it gets to point where I can't hear myself talking it must be awful for people who have paid to hear what you have to say. As I'm getting older I'm getting much less tolerant of people being stupid and rude.

There's definitely a difference between people who don't quite know where they're going in a new place, and I'm perfectly happy to answer the same questions and give the same directions a hundred times to people who make the effort to ask. I would probably do the same in that situation and being polite and wanting information I have no problem with.

I have almost no patience now though for plain stupidity, arrogance and rudeness. Warning, there is a rant ahead.

I can understand how people jump out of vehicles reay to punch someone, because to be honest, there have been times I would have got of my tram if I'd had the chance and given some people a piece of my mind. There hasn't been much of a problem with anyone accusing us being cruel to animals or idiots like that. It's the drivers round the park that are the problem.

First issue: One Way Road.
The problem is when they go one way, but in the wrong direction. A short reversal when you've missed a turning and there's no other traffic, fine. Going way over the speed limit on busy day because you can't be arsed to take 20 minutes to drive back round to the exit, NO. Then you have people ignoring the flashing police motorbike, bright orange cones and the policeman making it clear that direction is not available.

Best moment ever was watching him shout at the driver for going right through the rather obvious road block.

Second Issue: Standing Round the Horses.
Pet the horses, say hello, take a picture. No problem. There are many, and I looked up the definition for this, but retarded people when it comes to dealing with horses.
NOUN: a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way.
Do you think the back end of the horse is the best place to stand? I maybe overestimating, and I wish I had kept a tally for the percentage, but it feels like about 80% of people go straight for the back of the horse to stand for a photo. Then when you tell them to move to the front, they flinch if the horse so much as twitches his ears like they're going to be eaten.
First rules of horses, NEVER stand behind a horse, especially one you don't know. Some of our horses, when you have to go behind them, I still keep an eye on them and make sure they know I'm there first.
The nice wooden fence and manure bucket blocking the way when the horses are parked aren't enough of a clue you're not allowed to walk up behind a strange horse or you're out of bounds. Little children fine, but I had a grown up who said she's used to horses walk right up behind them.

The worst offenders this season to date though are these.

One man precariously balancing his little daughter on the fence, holding on to her belt with one hand and taking a picture with the other. She's wobbling, I'm actually raising my voice through the microphone to tell to move right now and he blatantly ignores me. Then when afterwards when I tell him she could fall onto the concrete and under the horses feet he says "Oh, cos that would be bad." Top candidate for face punching.

Next up are family of six, grandparents and grown kids. First thing in the morning I turn my back for the 30 seconds to get some water for the horses and the have got themselves right behind the horses, where they're attached to the tram. I practically had a heart attack on the spot and shouted at them move and again it's the same dumb, oh right, 'cause that could be dangerous. I've never had someone make me that angry first thing in the morning that quickly. I was angry with them for about half of the tour as well. Then when I mentally forgave them, let it go and got o the end they give me a mini Bibal with the comment. "You told us about the past, now here's something about the future." Very nice people but so stupid! Also the last part was more bemusing.

Then you get to the people who constantly cut you up, almost take of the horses noses, shout as they drive past and try and slap them when they go by. I shouted at one lady who pretended to slap one of my horses on the bum when I was at the Totem Poles. Every time someone does that now I get this flash of anger and I just want to get off my tram and do something about it. Cars parked in our spaces too.

I think I got more angry about things after watching some of a show called Canada's Worst Driver. People nominated by friends, family and spouses for being appalling and incompetent drivers. When they mean bad, it's horrific. These people shouldn't be allowed on the road and should never have passed their tests.

Still, despite the rant I've actually had a really good summer and things are still going well so far.

Saw Franz Ferdinand performing at the open air stage in Stanley Park yesterday evening. It was raining, but it was a great concert. I shall definitely be looking up their music more now. They had a great section when all five of them were playing the set of drums and they made some great beats. You could really feel it getting under your skin.

There was such a nice atmosphere too, everyone just having a good time and ignoring the rain. One song they did had a definite feel of This Is The End by the Doors which I especially loved.

I've been really getting interested in Ballet lately, I borrowed a library book covering the basic history of how and where ballet started from, how it travelled round the world and some of the notable contributors to its formation and development over the years. I've got myself a couple of books on it to read up more and I borrowed all the DVDs the library had of Ballet performances. I just love watching the technique and beauty of it. Along with martial arts its definitely something I would like to do some training in, a very different way of using your body to what I've done before.

Next week I'm off to Toronto for a week for my friends wedding and catching up with some people there. It will be so nice to have a week off and hopefully I wont spend the whole time running round places to see everyone, I really want to relax a bit. I'm feeling a bit of burn out at the moment and wanting some nice alone time to enjoy my own company.

Today four of us went to see the Vermeer and Rembrandt collection at the Vancouver Art Gallery. Some very interesting work and a little history of Denmarks trade power and expansion across the world in the 17th Century. There were some other exhibits on too which I enjoyed, especially the photography and a beautiful photo of a huge set of stained glass windows. All in white glass with the black leading, though annoyingly no information about where it was from. I think the photographer was Gursky?

The autumn weather has certainly settled in now, the sunny days have that coolness about them now and some impressive rain showers are coming in. I have to say I do like the rain still, as long as I have enough layers on to stay nice and cosy for it.

I have an acting class starting in October, an evening one so it wont clash with work and I'm really looking forward to seeing how that goes and getting some feedback. It's hard to think October is next month though, the time, as always flies by faster every year.

My laptop is intermittently dying on me too, so I love my little portable hard drive to keep everything safe on it. I shall have to invest in a new one once I have some more spare cash along and do my best not to kill it this time. Mind you my old one I've had since 2004 so it's lasted a while.

I have another work bbq tomorrow which hopefully will be mostly indoors if the weather is keeping up it's current trend, but still it's close to home and there's food. There's still some shopping I need to do before I leave for Toronto and I'm hoping I'll have my one day off to do that before leaving. I shall certainly pack well before hand so I have as few tasks to do as possible. There's never enough time to get everything done, especially when you just want to curl up in a blanket and watch films or read a book all day, just to chill out and recharge. Ah well, plenty of time for that at Xmas.

Love to everyone!

So last night there was a pretty good thunder storm which had been building up for quite a while, the sticky, muggy air and heat before the clouds rolled in.

Where the sun was setting the sky looked like it was on fire, bright reds and oranges all across the horizon. You could see the clouds slowly rolling down the sides of the mountains and the lightning tearing across the sky. It wasn't a very violent storm, just inexorable and quietly dramatic.

Quite stunning.

As for Torchwood, well.

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Torchwood, Day 3.

I haven't been on the edge of my seat like that for a long time. And my god, they were a gift.

My heart's in my throat here. Wow.

It's been record breaking heat waves here in Vancouver this week, and boy do you feel it dong manual work outdoors while getting toasted. It's having a day off to enjoy the sun without dripping sweat after five minutes.

Saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince today, I love the look of the film, kind of a washed out look to it with some very dark moments. I think the kids have really grown into their parts and are giving really good performances, mind you imagine getting to learn from the likes of Alan Rickman and a cast made up of some of the best actors in Britain. It's the bare skin and bones of the book and I think it would have served better to make this a two parter and one for the finale, which is a weaker book in my view.

Torchwood starts tomorrow which I'm very excited about, although a little nervous. There have been dark rumblings about what happens, though I have managed to avoid spoilers. I have a feeling I'll be crying like a baby by the end of the week though.

An evil moving image though which I hope dies a horrible and painful death is an advert I saw for a mix to make pancakes or cookies whatever, with all the ingrediants dried to powder so you just pour it into a tube and add water and shake basically. It's for kids and it specifically shows the eggs and milk and flower all disappearing so now children can't even do any baking with real ingrediants. It is evil and must be stopped, or the next generation will grow up not even knowing what an egg looks like. EVIL!

Also saw a trailer for Sherlock Holmes, with Robert Downy Jr as Holmes and Jude Law as Watson, looks very interesting.

So I don't normally pay muc attention to my weight, but once in awhile, if I see a pair of scales in someones bathroom I might have a go. I've now discovered that just one months work at the stables and I have lost 5lb, which was a bit of a shock. I've been eating more every day too and my upper body strength has noticably improved.

I can also see the difference between how tired I got last time over doing it, just from what it feels like getting up in the mornings. I will certainly not be making the same mistake, and staying busy doing more useful and constructive things in my spare time doesn't suck all the energy out of me.

So, off to do some errands nicely awake, refreshed and ligher framed.

It is summer in the city and boy is smokin' hot right now. Glad it's my day of but I shall sweating in the barn tomorrow! The last month has been full of work and catching up with people and it's been nice to be busy. I've also made sure I've had my early nights for early work and eating well. I learned my lesson last time and I have my limits.

I can feel the difference in working outside in the park as well, I'm starting to tan and feeling fitter and getting my muscle tone back and my hair feels great. *G* At work there are a couple of new horses I've been getting to know and refreshing on my driving and stable hand duties. It's pretty much all still there and it's just getting my routine back and covering the details. It will be nice when I'm on a more regular schedule though so I can plan a bit more for my time off.

Chatting to Valorie about writing and short film projects has been great too. I feel very motivated and encouraged that I have targets that I can aim for and achieve and make real progress towards what I want to be doing. Finding the places to learn the skills I need and start moving forward.

I got to drive my favourite horse Robbie again for the first time yesterday too which was awesome. He let me bridle him without any fuss and stoke his ears and he was great. Is it wrong to feel a little smug when he's more difficult with other people sometimes? He can be difficult with me sometimes too when he's in a mood, but I still love him!

I also just love having plans and targets and feeling like I'm accomplishing useful things. A year so isn't long enough!

For starters, I went to see the new Star Trek film and I LOVE IT! As a film it has everything you want, action, humour, danger, great special effects, cool space ships.

There will likely be a divide of some fans who will hate it however.

....SPOILERS....

The weight and depth of following original Trek history is a millstone that creatively, puts too many limitations on the story to make it a really good and exciting film in the franchise. This problem is solved in a very credible way at the beginning of the film and it releases it from the shackles of continuity to make it something new.

The casting is universally spot on! Everyone is exactly right for their parts and it really is almost like watching the original cast again, just a few years younger than before. Outside of the three original central characters of Kirk, Spock and McCoy, everyone is an essential part of the team and given their chance to shine. I love that Captain Pike is an important role in the film, as he was such an interesting Captain in the brief chance we had of seeing him before, though I also love the nod to his previous life in the Original Series as well.

In many ways this plays as a classic time travel, altering the future story, except this time, much of the audience has seen the entire future of these characters and their decendants, and so when the film begins, we begin to have a glimpse of what they will never now have. Just like the crew of the Enterprise, we don't know what their future will be, though I think destiny will mean some things can still come to pass, though in a different way than we knew them. People are alive and dead who were not before and the rest will be a great adventure.

....BIG SPOILER...

In many ways the Spock from the future that we have come to know is us. His life experience and memory is the Star Trek universe we have known, and it has been destroyed forever, though certainly not forgotten. His home is gone in every way possible and it's quite a tragic thought.

As much as this is a new beginning for the Star Trek universe, so many things, the essential things we have come to love about it, in my view, have remained.

So, I've been doing that packing before the last minute thing and guess what, takes so much of the stress out of it. I'm not running around in a state at 2am the day I fly out trying to find something vital that I need to pack, or jamming things into too small bags instead of one larger one.

I should really do this more often. *g*

Though I'm sure I will be thinking of something at 2am Wednesday that I can't find regardless.

So it's been rather a long time since I've updated. I can be easily distracted and there hasn't been that many interesting things happening lately.

However, in aproximately 15 days I will finally be heading back to Vancouver, Canada for another year. I am rather looking forward to it, although it's only really just starting to sink in that it's coming up quite fast now.

I want to get back into the habit of posting and I have photos I need to add to the galleries too. It's typical, when I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with, I do much less than when I'm busy. It's always easier when you're on the go anyway to keep up with things. Unless of course it's fairly trivial things like uploading music to my new iPod and finding all the album artwork to add to it. *g*

So, my Vancouver peeps, it wont be long, to my Toronto peeps, I'm planning to make it over for a visit, I haven't forgotten you guys!

Finally got round to watching Obama's inauguration speech, and it did bring a few tears to the eye. He spoke with purpose, conviction and clarity. It gives me hope for the future and I think he must have a lot of courage. I would be having a heart attack at the thought of taking on that kind of task.

After last week as well listening to the radio talk on education and home schooling, I feel more certain than ever that if/when I have any children I want to school them at home. I know I enjoyed it a great deal and I appreciate the different perspective it can give you. Also that extra time it gives between parents and children.

I have severe doubts about so much of education standards and testing today. The demand to send 4 year old children into a classroom, the obsession with standardisation of tests and league tables. The lack of one to one or small class sizes and the lack of option with so many City Academy buildings going up. Also the lack of content in the curriculum.

I love having friends in different countries. It's a great reason to travel to go and visit them, and also somewhere to stay while you're there, at least to start with. It still surprises me to think that back in school and college I was so shy of meeting people and found it so hard to talk to them, and now I love the chance to meet new people and get to know them. It makes me feel like a different person.

The only downside is not being able to talk and spend time with them in person as much as I'd like to. You miss out on those nice everyday things that you get when you see someone often. Talking about trivia is as much fun as the big things.

So my friends in other places, know I miss you and think about you when I'm away. I love hearing about your life and the little and big things that occur. I promise to be more prompt in sending cards too!

All I need is to get a nice travelling career going and/or a well paid line of jobs to get me round everywhere. Then of course there'll be all the new people I meet on my further journeys.

Love you all!

Since watching the remake of Survivors, the original of which was written by Terry Nation, (Dalek Creator) in the 1970's, it has very much peaked my interest on the subject of survival in the outdoors and current dependence on technology and fossil fuels.

When you start to think of just the simple everyday things, cooking food, heating water, staying warm, washing yourself and clothes and where you can get food and water from, it is almost impossible to get anything without relying on electricity, gas and your local supermarket.

The idea behind Survivors, or the remake, not having seen the original yet, is that 90% of the human population is killed off by a variant strain of the flu. After a few days, a week at most, the few survivors are faced with living without conventional society to back them up, no power grid, no law enforcement, no emergency services and no government.

I was disappointed that the show ended up being more about political conspiracy theories, mysterious science labs and most of the survivors being very irritating and not very practical.

I wanted something that would look at how exactly you would get by in that situation. Having to find somewhere to live, finding food, building a community of some kind and making rules. Now though its something I keep thinking about, and thinking about what practical skills I actually have and what would be most useful to learn. I've started watching more garden and cooking programmes.

Maybe it's a reflection on my morbid interests, but I find the whole Survivors idea fascinating and quite enjoyable to reflect on. Not to mistake though, that if something like the collapse of the general infrastructure and power grid would be fun, and you'd better hope you're either out in the country or most of the population does go with it, otherwise things will be rather violent and bloody very quickly.

It's said that civilasation is three meals away from chaos. Think about what you rely on for general conveniences and what you could do without them and that sounds pretty accurate to me.